A lot of books about autism have been given to me. I haven’t read all of them yet. I kind of pick and choose depending on what mood I’m in. Many of the books are reference books and many are based on someone’s life. Most of the books that I have seen are written by a parent of an autistic child.
Recently my son’s teacher and my mother-in-law both told me about an article in our local newspaper. It was about a writer who was coming to our small town to release her new book titled “How to be a Sister”. My mother-in-law suggested that it would be great for me to contact her and get her book. Hmmm. Get a book titled “How to be a Sister”? I dont’ even have a sister.
The author of this book titled “How to be a sister” is Eileen Garvin. She does have a sister. An older sister. A sister with severe autism. In this book, Eileen narrates her own personal experiences of being raised in a family with her sister Margaret–who has severe autism. This book is nothing like the others I have read. As I said before, most books I have read are by the parents of children with autism. There are also many great books written by people with autism.
What about siblings of children with autism? Aren’t they affected too? What roles do they play? Eileen had a special bond with her sister that naturally placed her into a role as caregiver. One of the things Eileen mentions is that “siblings of people with disabilities have all the same hardships as parents-only longer”.
This book describes autism from the sibling’s point of view. But this book is not meant for just siblings to read. I think everybody should read it. It is witty, humorous, heart-breaking, and affirming all at the same time. Nothing is sugar-coated in this book. It is the real thing. I am thankful for this book. I am thankful for the author. I am thankful for her sister Margaret. I am also thankful that my mother-in-law took Alec to the bookstore with her to buy Eileen’s book and have her sign it. Alec was thrilled to meet Eileen and he was thrilled to know that this stranger knew exactly what he was going through. http://www.howtobeasister.com/
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Mandi Coats. Mandi Coats said: Siblings of children with #autism. http://mygreatvillage.com/2010/04/17/siblings-of-children-with-autism/ [...]
I recently heard about a woman who was taking care of her autistic sister. She had 2 kids and one of them was only 2 years old. Anyway, she was in my homeschool group, yet I never met her myself. However, her husband backed out the driveway and ran over her 2 year old son. The mom I guess just assumed that the older boy could take care of the 2 year old while she tended to her autistic sister. It made me so sad. The boy died and the story was on the news. I couldn’t get that out of my head. Anyway, this post reminded me of her. I wonder if she feels bitter now that her son was lost due to her having her plate so full. Anyway..I got to stop talking about it. It just makes me incredibly sad. I know my daughter gets really mad at us (the one without ASD) because we ask her to do things we know her sister can’t do. She grows tired of it, but she loves her family I guess. I just hope she doesn’t grow up and feel stressed by all we put her through at home…although her life is full of fun things and we always try to show our appreciation for her about things. It’s a hard road but it makes me think “what is God preparing them for in the future?”
That is so heartbreaking about that little boy
My son gets frustrated too because he knows we have different expectations out of him. He understands Matt’s autism makes him different but its still incredibly hard. I worry about him becoming resentful. That is why I liked this book so much. Even though he should be a little more mature before reading the whole thing on his own, I do share parts of the book with him. He likes it that he can identify with the author. I think what also helps our older son (without autism) is that we are constantly affirming his feelings about how hard it is to have a brother like Matt. I do believe that all of this will shape him into be a great person and hopefully a strong advocate for those with disabilities!. Lord knows we need more advocates! Thanks so much for reading my blog!!
Consider that book purchased! I am so concerned about my oldest in the midst of all of our madness. He is such a good big brother and sweet boy that sometimes I am afraid he doen’t get the attention he deserves. He also understands that expectations are different and it frustrates him. I try my best to make things equal most days, but am afraid that I come up short
I would love to read that!
Thanks, Mandi! It’s rare that siblings get their voices heard in the midst of all the frantic comings and goings of their brother’s or sister’s life, so I’m getting this book too.
Gonna have to read that one…my son is 9 and I think he might have Aspergers…we’re in the process of doing the testing and such…trying to read and absorb all I can…
I will look out for this book. You know what i would love? a book that helps my son with ASD understand his sister with ASD and she him. There are so many books for non ASD siblings but i have never found one that helps both ASD kids understand each other ASD lol. If any one has one or has seen one please let me know. I love your bolg Mandi!
both my boys handle their sister very differently. The older one is distant yet would do anything for her in the midst of crisis. The younger one already plans his future as a caregiver for his sister and has even decided what he thinks ‘she needs to work on’. The most difficult part was for him to realize that even though he is younger biologically, she is much younger developmentally. He also has grieved for not having a ‘typcial’ sibling relationship with his sister. thanks for sharing the book!